I promise to write this entry...later...

Isn't procrastination a wonderfull thing? I've been meaning to write an entry on it for over a week now but I keep putting it of. (Yes I do see the irony in that statement)

Well, while you wait why dont you read this interresting article on Kipple:

What a difference a few minutes make

Two minutes. Thats what separated today from any other day. Last night I promised myself I'd get up early enough to have plenty of time for scripture study. Its been a while since I got any early morning scripture study in. So i set to work preparing everything so I could get to bed early enough to make that a reality. Morning came and I snoozed away most of it as per usual and then got up finding I didn't really have time for anything. In the middle of rushing around I realized that I probably wouldn't have time for scripture studies after all. That made me stop in my tracks and think for a second. The conclusion was easy. I was going to read my scriptures. If only for two minutes. I wasn't going to break my promise. So I sat down for two minutes and read the first chapter I opened the book on. The results were immediate. No sleepiness at work. I felt considerably happier today then I've done the last few weeks. I felt energetic and positive about things in general and seem to have regained some of my energy to get things done and combat laziness.

Was this an example of optimal scripture studies? Far from it! There are hundreds of ways it could have gone down better this morning. But there are also several ways it could have been worse. I could have let my self confidence take another blow for the team and just skipped it. I could have attempted reading them in the car to work. I could have also not snoozed the morning away and instead got in a period of solid studies instead of just a couple of minutes of skimming. But the fact remains that as of right now this days battle has been a smashing success in comparison to previous weeks.
To help myself I have set a goal. By the 31st of march I will have read through the entire Book of Mormon. Starting with 1 Ne 1:1 today. Anyone who wants to join me in this challenge can just leave a comment here.

The Good Life - Part 2: Why?

The scriptures have a lot of insights to offer when it comes to our reason for being here. If you read it very selectively a certain not so positive pattern emerges. Lets look at a few passages. In the Book of Abraham the Lord said this during a revelation where Abraham was allowed to see us in the preexistence:

...and we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all the things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them. (Abraham 3:25)

To Moses he stated his whole reason for everything he does:

For behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1:39)

Over and over the scriptures speak of the importance of obedience, the seriousness of our eternal destiny's, the fate of the unfaithful and so on. We learn that life is a test to be endured. Phrases like: "Endure to the end" and "Return with honour" can get a pretty grim meaning when the gospel is being seen through this lens. Thats why we need to point out a few nuggets in the scriptures that help us put all of this into perspective. When John the Beloved wanted to sum up what the gospel was all about he said this:

For God so loved the world , that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

This puts it all in different perspective. God is not just a demanding perfectionist that wants us to be perfect and forces us to live dull dreary lives to get there. He actually loves us. Every command, every experience, every event we go through is given us out of love. Now thats something to think about next time we feel like complaining about something.
But what about the dull dreariness? Is life really supposed to be a series of trials and misfortunes and is any kind of relaxation and happiness or fun a sin? Perhaps Lehi said it best when he told his son that:

Adam fell that men might be. And men are that they might have joy. (2 Ne 2:25)

What do we learn from this? The part that will stand out the most is that we exist to have joy. What about the obedience and the trials? Weren't we supposed to endure life in order to get our reward in the hereafter? Well obviously that wasn't our fathers plan. He in fact intended that we be happy. That we have joy.

But that only comes if we are perfect right? Wrong! Notice how it states that Adam fell? And yet in the same verse he states that we can have joy. And this is the miracle of the plan. No matter the trials we go through. No matter how low we sink in life, his hand is always stretched out. He is always there, ready to take us by the hand, to bring us through the hard times and show us how to find joy and happiness in life.

I think this is enough for today. In my next entry I will answer the question "When?" Until then, May you find joy in the journey!

Phoenix rising

It is with some embarrassment that I once again write here. Looking at my blog I realise that a month and a half has passed since I last wrote anything. Well, lots have happened since last time. There have been ups and downs. Moments of happiness and moments of sorrow. Helping hands and bumpy roads... In short, it hasn't been that much different from what you have experienced yourself these last six weeks.

So how is the war going then? I hear you wonder. Well, I'd be lying if I said it is going great. I seem to have entirely dropped most of the good habits I have developed. I've found myself drifting back to entertainment as a form of escape rather than relaxation, and my sleeping patterns are suffering accordingly. Some people would think that this was it. I couldn't do it. It doesn't work. Man can't change his destiny. We are doomed to be the way we are for the rest of our lives.

Well I wont stand for it! I will show myself and the world that no matter how many times you fall or the depth to which you have fallen you can rise again. Infact the falling is insignificant. What is significant is the fact that you rise again.

I like the legend of the Phoenix. It has a lot of parallels to us as humans. The Phoenix is eternal yet it dies. But every time it dies, consumed in a flame, it is reborn. From the ashes of its former life it rises to a new life. Just like the Phoenix we are eternal, and yet we are born and die. But when we die we will rise again. From the ashes of our former bodies and lives we rise to live eternally. And so it is with every experience. Every time we fall we rise again. Like the Phoenix we can rise to a new life, drawing on our experience of the past yet untainted by our former sins and mistakes, leaving them behind in the ashes of our past.

Lets not forget what makes this possible though. Lets not forget the sacrifice that was made, the price that was paid. In fact this is the most amazing thing in the whole atonement. Christ didn't wonder if we would accept his sacrifice. He didn't look into the future to determine who would accept him to then only pay the price for their sins (allthough this was surely in his power.) Instead he willingly paid for all of us. Even if we never turn to him he has paid the price! He has left the prison doors wide open and are waiting for us to step outside. Do we have the courage to do it?
Do we have the courage to rise again? To try one more time? To trust in his mercy? Well I do. And with his help I will rise again like the Phoenix from the ashes to a new life. Will it be hard? Definitely! Will I fall again? Absolutely, but I know that he is there to catch me, to take me by the hand and lift me again. And as long as I keep taking his hand he will keep lifting me, until the day comes that I stand before him.

But that day is far in the future. This day is now, and it is time for this phoenix to fly. Until next time, fare well.

The war: Return to flight

About two weeks ago I told you that I had to start thinking about my 50000ft level visions and goals. I will here try to explain what that is. I was recently introduced to something called "the 6 level life planning model." The basic idea is that everything we do is based on the longterm plans and the image of ourself that we have. It's about the broader perspective. So in order to really come to terms with it one can divide it up in different "levels." The analogy that explains it the best is the one that was used to explain it to me: The airplane analogy.

Here are the six levels and what they represent:

• 50000ft: Life
• 40000ft: 3- to 5- year visions
• 30000ft: 1- to 2- year goals
• 20000ft: Areas of responsibility
• 10000ft: Current projects
• Runway: Current actions

Life
Who am I? Why am I here? What do I have to accomplish? Where am I going? These are all questions that need to be answered on this level. They determine more than we think about whether we are happy or not. If my current job does not match my idea of who I am then I should probably start looking for alternatives. If a project I'm working on goes against the basic values I live by then I should consider leaving it. What education is best in line with what I believe to be true about my purpose on this planet?

There situations will be more or less impossible to decide on if we haven't clearly defined these things. And don't think that just because you are a member of the church and have been spoon fed the answers to these questions since birth, that you are safe. General answers are good but they don't answer the question of what YOU, insert-own-name-here, are doing on this planet. They give pointers but the rest is for you to find out/decide.

3- to 5- year visions
What will my life be like in 5 years? Will I be in school? working? Married? Have children? Live in a foreign country? Be in the army? Decide what your vision of the future is. What will you have accomplished? Where will you have lived, what jobs will you have had? You get the idea.

1- to 2- year goals
This level blends together with the one above it in many cases and is very similar. The exception is that the goals and visions laid out here tend to be a little clearer and more defined since the outcomes are closer in time.

Areas of responsibility
What "hats" do you wear? What roles do you have in your society? What responsibilities do you have in your job? Are you a student? A parent? Do you have responsibilities in your Church? Club? Your kids sports team? etc. The list can be made long. By defining all you roles you get a clearer picture of what your life actually consists of and it gives you a chance to decide what roles are consistent with the higher levels of you life planning.

Current projects
This is where it gets easy. What projects are you working on right now? Planning trips, looking for a new couch, writing a thesis and planning a major project at work, all go into this category. This is where it starts getting "hands on" and you feel like you can work with things in a more frequent level then the higher levels of planning.

Current actions
This is where we spend most of our time. This is where we actually do stuff. Everything from taking the trash out to sending in your tax-declaration to proposing to that special someone takes place here.


The airplane analogy is an incredibly apt one for this. If the runway is all cluttered up with trash (Stuff in our lives that hasn't been properly taken care of) its impossible to take of with our plane and go to the higher levels. And at the same time we might, once we make it to the higher levels, realize that a lot of the actions we are doing on the runway level are actually part of projects that don't fit into our life plans. So while we need to spend most of our time taking care of everything on the runway level we definitely need to make frequent trips to the higher altitudes to assess where we are in the bigger picture. Here we can add and remove projects and areas of responsibility based on our life- and 1-5 year- goals as well as adjusting our goals according to our perception of our direction in life.


I myself haven't been terribly good at this but I have started looking at the higher levels. The last week however my runway had a bad case of being cluttered so the last few days have been spent on clearing the way. Now I once again feel I can have a look at those higher levels again.

I'm signing of for tonight but will be back soon with more. Dont forget to check out my new miniseries "the Good life".

The Good Life - Part 1: Introduction

Why do we get up in the morning? Why do we struggle through difficulties and hardships? What is it that motivates us to do things we really don't want to do and to work long hours every day? What gets us to take the risk of investing emotionally in another person? To take loans and buy houses? To give birth to children? The risks involved in all these things should be enough to deter any sane person from even trying. So why do we do it? Could it be that we see something from afar? Something we want to reach?

Some call it happiness, others bliss. To some it is success and to others it is the dream of a better life. In the church we often see it as the reward for faithful service, the result of a life of "doing the right thing". Common to all is that we see it as something in the future, something not quite attainable but that we constantly strive for.

I call it "the Good life" and claim that it is very much attainable in this life. It is very interrelated to the things I've been writing about so far in my blog but in this miniseries I will be looking at it out of a spiritual and philosophical perspective. I call it the good life for several reasons: It signifies that it is not about perfection but rather about constant growth. It means that it's something we can have ongoing in our lives, something we can have more or less now. I also chose it because the term "the good life" has special personal meaning to me that I wont go in to here.

In this miniseries inside my blog I will give you updates from my studies into what "the good life" really is about and how we can have it. But don't worry. I haven't given up the war. It is still raging and I will be posting updates on that as well.

Ramblings and thoughts

Sitting down to write this I really have no idea what to write. Lots of thoughts are rushing trough my head and I find myself closing in on one of the big deciding moments of my life. I wont tell you here what that is about or which way I'm leaning on it since it would disturb my process of decision too much. I just want you to keep it in mind before you read today's entry and start wondering why I don't make any sense.

Lately I've invested a considerable amount of money (at least by my standards) into personal productivity. I've bought all the gear I've needed, the lack of which has often kept me from getting things done in a timely manner. I've made big changes and little progress. You could say I've discovered where the breakpoint is between tools and motivation. I've discovered that personal productivity is relatively easy if you are by yourself and exclude emotion from the equation. But add a high workload, little time and emotional investment and the equation goes haywire very fast. I guess the real challenge is to use the little time and the moments of sanity wisely in order to allow for the relative insanity that emotions can sometimes be.

Today's institute class gave me a reminder that I need to really go over my high level goals soon. I guess my trip to the Temple in Copenhagen this weekend will be the perfect time to really decide about my 50.000ft level goals. Things like what am I here for? Where am I going? And not just in the general sense (Cause we all know the textbook answers to those questions) but more in the sense of: Why am I here? Where am I going? Me personally. Where do I aim in life? I have long been avoiding that personal assessment. Instead hiding behind the text-book answers. Those answers are of course valid as well. But they don't give me much help with deciding some of the bigger decisions in life. So the question I am asking myself and will be working more thoroughly on is not "How should man live life" But rather "Where am I, Michael Dundee, going in life and why?" So now maybe you understand why my thoughts are a bit unfocused on the specifics on combating laziness in my life.

That war rages on however and I gain ground every day. For example I'm really tired right now. This is quite unusual for me who used to happily stay up until 2 or 3 am without getting particularly tired. But this is also a good development. Because it means I get to sleep on time and I'm rarely ever tired at work any more. My use of lists has deteriorated somewhat and I find I'm not as effective as I was a month ago. But at the same time I've really learned to take my mind of things and make space for focused efforts at work etc. So its a mixture of good and bad.

I think I'll leave you with these ramblings of my mind. If you didn't understand then I dont blame you. I dont even understand a lot right now. I just hope I make the right choice with my "Big decision." But we'll see. Good bye for now!

Ups and ... Ups!

Athletes, scientists, engineers, coorporate officers etc. all speak of a state of being that they all strive for and sometimes find. It's called Flow. It's the feeling of being in total control of yourself and having perfect focus on the tasks at hand. When in flow you wont be distracted or thrown of by external events but will rather adapt to them and solve them as you go. Never taking your focus of the goal. David Allen, in his book "Getting things done", speaks of a state called "Mind like water" where the mind, having rid itself of all distractions, is ready to absorb and deal with any problem it may encounter, without missing a beat on its way to its goal.

Most of the time, this state of being is just a goal, a vision of what we want our lives to be like. But sometimes, in the rarest of moments, we get to experience it. For an elite athlete it might be while running a race. He/She finds the perfect rhythm, the perfect distribution of body balance, the perfect breathing pace and somehow feels previously unknown strength push him/her along in an ever increasing speed that is just right and in that moment he/she easily, without even noticing the extreme exertion he/she is making, glide past his/her competitors and win the race. For the scientist/engineer it might be that one afternoon when all the pieces fall into place and everything becomes clear. The afternoon they solve that big problem they haven't been able to quite get their heads around for the last few weeks. The afternoon that all the new ideas appear and fall into their proper places enabling the CEO to finally plan out the new organisational structure. That one performance where the singer doesn't miss a single note and the music is perfectly timed down to the microsecond.


That's flow.

Why do I mention this then? Well, I think I have been coming close to it sometimes lately. If I were to describe my life right now it would only take one word: Awesome! That word I don't use lightly. I tend to not like using it at all. I feel like things in my life are falling into place. I have almost caught up with my own life and am starting to feel good about my situation in general. That's a feeling I haven't really felt since shortly after my mission. I remember times as a missionary when things were fantastic. People didn't want to talk to me more then usual. They weren't easier to persuade, the weather wasn't any better then other days, I hadn't had better food or anything like that. I just felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I was supposed to do and better yet, doing it in exactly the way I was supposed to do it. When I was in this state it didn't matter what people around me said or did. Nothing could break my spirits. Regretfully I wasn't in this state the majority of the time.

It think the key to why I'm feeling so good about myself lately is the fact that I am proactive instead of reactive. That I make choices and act on them, instead of having choice pushed upon me and only time to try and pick the least painful alternative. Someone once said that getting a few things done is several times more effective then standing in front of a mirror and repeating "I am someone and I can achieve anything I set my mind to" to yourself a thousand times. It gives a lot of confidence when you see that you have actually done the hardest part, which is to begin, and that you are not only telling yourself that you are a someone but rather showing yourself.

If that last part isn't making a lot of sense it is because I'm getting really sleepy now. I hope you can all find flow sometimes in your lives. As for me. I seriously need some sleep:P
Good night all!

Getting the right tools, removing obstacles

Our brains are in many ways the most brilliant creations in this world. They are highly versatile information processing units capable of discerning patterns on levels far too deep and too abstract for any machine. They are capable of combining and cross referencing vast amounts of very different kinds data and in them find reason, meaning and conclusions. They are also capable of "making stuff up" i.e. of producing intricate systems of data based on real input but having no real counterpart. They are able to feel enjoyment, try getting a computer to do that!
Finally they are excellent crisis managing systems. Able to think in several directions at once and combining instincts and experience and then add some "made up stuff" to find a solution to any given problem.

So how is it that while we all walk around with these miracle machines in our heads (we all got one at birth, free of charge!) we end up making all the huge mistakes we do? How do we end up overwhelmed by the amount of work we have to do or the information we take in? Why do we forget things that are important and remember things that are trivial? The answer is that while our brains are brilliant they are also really dumb. Our brains absolutely suck at advance planning, prioritizing and reminding. To our brains every decision has the same amount of importance, whether it is to read the news paper or to take out a bank loan, to buy a bike or invade a country. Our brains don't see the difference in priority. It also has the worst sense of timing.
If our brains could think properly they would remind us of the letter we need to mail before we walk out the door. They would realise that its not a big deal that you forgot to get a package of milk at the store because at least you got all the food needed for tonight's dinner party. If it could really think it would have reminded you of the milk while you were in the store. Thus saving you the trouble of forgetting it in the first place.
Some part of our brain is stuck in the present. So if you tell your brain that you need to do something it'll think that you have to do it NOW. It assumes that you need to do that thing ALWAYS. And if you tell your brain to remember two things you need to do it'll get really frustrated, because it wants you to do both NOW but it knows that thats impossible, so it thinks you are failing.

The third truth to know about our brains is that they never forget. They might not remind you when you most need it. But they will remember. They remember every broken agreement, even if you don't. They remember the thing you promised that you would do today and will hold you accountable for not doing it. Even if they never remind you.

So how do we get past this then? We need external tools to help our brains with its weaknesses. The brain is happy to give away the tasks its not good at ONLY if it trusts the replacing tool. So a well kept calender can relieve the brain of the burden of having to remind you of planned events. But if your brain suspects you are not keeping the calender up to date it will take back that task and start worrying over your planned appointments. likewise other tools can replace other functions. I have mentioned the lists I've been keeping. They are tools that take over the task of prioritizing and reminding of the small tasks that need to be done. They also enable you to think only once about each task instead of having to go over the bigger plan every single time you have some time to work on it. there are many different tools out there to help us. There is not one universal tool that will solve everything and do the work for us. Instead we all have to work out a system that helps us the most.

There are however some good general pointers in this direction. Any tool we use has to be fun and quick. Any tool we don't like we don't use. The same if we think the tool is good but is complicated to use. So don't fall for the "more functions is better" approach to getting organized. In the end it comes down to if you use it or not. If you find that you don't use a tool because its too complicated, boring, unreliable, etc. then find a tool better suited to your personal style.
I myself for example use filing cards to capture all the thoughts I have. On them I write my lists, ideas and general good information I need. I then process what's on the cards to turn it into actions, things I can do. If I cant do anything about it there is really no use occupying my brain with it. I use a combination of google calendar and a wall calendar on a whiteboard to get an overview of the "hard landscape" in my future.
I won't talk more about tools now but will point you to a book that has helped me a lot in this struggle of mine. Its called "Getting things Done" and is written by David Allen (Isbn 0-14-200028-0) and cost me about 120 SEK at www.adlibris.se. I highly recommend it. The things he speaks of are basically common sense but as we all know common sense is not really all that common.

I would also like to mention something about removing obstacles. We have a way of placing obstacles in our paths to bettering ourselves. It usually consists of behaviour, hobbies and pastimes that we know are bad for us and actually promote the kind of bad lifestyle we are trying to get away from but that we feel attached to and don't willingly leave behind. They are usually things we do to escape the reality around us. A lot of the entertainment we consume function this way. For a moment we "escape" our bad situation. But we resurface afterwards, having by this time added guilt to our feelings of failure, prompting us to once again escape and so it goes on.

If we are to truly change we have to break with these habits. I have finally been able to break with one particularly time consuming and utterly pointless habit only recently. And I can already feel the liberation of all the time I suddenly have on my hands (time to use wisely and get stuff done) and the decrease of guilty feelings that came with it. So if you are clinging on to a time-consuming "escapistic" habit or hobby then man up and break with it. It might seem harch and yes it forces you to confront reality, but the rewards are great and come faster then you think.

Internal and external focus

These last few months have been a time of realizations for me. It seems that as soon as I think I've figured everything out, I run headlong into another painful realization about myself. These last few days have been no exception to that rule.

One of the things I realized is that the one thing that has caused the greatest amount of unhappiness and disappointment in my life is my focus on my surroundings. I have come to realise that a true egoist thinks only of his own needs and focuses all his attention on other people, while a true philanthropist thinks of the needs of his fellow man but has the focus on himself. (For those of you who came to the FHE this week this might ring a few bells) Focus in this case being the direction of his energy and efforts.

You have all probably seen the newest coca-cola campaign (Life as it should be.) It catches with perfect simplicity the spirit of what I'm talking about.
The protagonist in the commercials gives a number of statements on how things should be. None of these things of course involving the protagonist himself or any effort on his part. He, serving as the archetype of true egoism, thinks only of himself and focuses on how his surroundings should be. It is tempting for us to assume the same stance in life. Focusing on how things should be and expecting the world to adapt. Since we have absolutely no control over the outside world and the world doesn't adapt to our liking, we end up frustrated because we are failing. It's easy (and very common) to blame the surrounding at this point. To claim that "they don't understand" or "it is unfair that they are given everything and I am given nothing" etc. etc. The list can be made long.

The only way to escape this feeling of abandonment and frustration
is to own up to our responsibility and realise that the only thing we can control is ourself. There is a quote I heard once but cant remember who said it. It goes like this:

"Don't go around thinking the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -Unknown.

It neatly sums up our position in this world. We have no claim on this world. There is no natural debt to us that will somehow be paid of by the world conforming to our opinions and wishes. Trying to demand any such rights will only lead to suffering and frustration on our part.

If we instead realize that it is in fact we who are in debt, that it is we who have been given everything and have only to manage our resources to affect our situations, this suffering and frustration can be avoided. In fact this is the only thing we can fully control: The choices we make with the resources we have been given. If we focus on ourselves and the resources we have been given we can use these resources to, when possible, fill the needs of others. Our resources are finite, and the effect they will have on the surrounding is limited. But realising this limitation will empower us to make active choices that will have a good effect on our surroundings and ourselves, and will help us increase the resources we dispose of and the effect we have on our surrounding. When speaking of resources we have to realise that these aren't just material resources. They are also our energy, our mental focus, our empathy, our kindness etc. the list goes on.

So think of your fellow man but focus on yourself as the active part.

I had intentions of writhing about a few other things today, but this turned out to be a lot of text so I will save all that for tomorrow. Have a great time and remember that you are in charge (I seem to be in slogan mode today:P)

Falling and rising

I regret to have to give you a somewhat sombre report from the war. You remember how I mentioned earlier that my lack of sleep was not going to work out in the end? Well I think it is starting to have some serious effect on me. I find that I'm constantly tired, my willpower drains really fast and I've gone back to getting almost nothing done. I can also feel a slight semi-depression coming on. I guess I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get to work on my life again. the question is when... Anyway, in order to give myself some extra sleep I'm going to stop writing this and get to bed. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. I leave you all with this quote:

Virtue is a state of war, and to live in it we have always to combat with ourselves.
- Jean-Jacques Rosseau

I'm Back!

Its been allmost two weeks since I last wrote. I've had a lot to do and have done some computer reinstalling/maintenance and in the middle of all that forgot about keeping my blog updated. Sorry for that.

Lately there has been a lot of ups and downs. It's interesting to note how big an effect emotional states have on my productivity and general well being as a person. I find that when I'm emotionally unbalanced I tend to make bad decisions. Even about seemingly unrelated things. For example I tend to need to be around people more which can make me choose to do things that are fun with people instead of doing things I know I have to get done. This leads to a semi-fun evening during which I feel guilt about what I'm not getting done and stress over the fact that I'm going to have to squeeze it in later. This of course does nothing about the emotional imbalance that prompted the behaviour in the first place but rather worsens it as feelings of guilt and worthlessness slowly settle themselves into my mind and heart. I also tend to have poor economical judgement and waste money that I know I'll need later. As if I could somehow buy myself some emotional balance and happiness. I always find ways to justify and make calculations that I know aren't really based on the facts. This leads to more stress and guilt and adds to any feelings of low self esteem or social insecurity.
So how do I combat this behaviour? If anyone has a definitive answer to that then please give it to me! The only answer I can think of is self discipline. To force myself to go against my instincts in these cases and get things done instead.
And that's the hard part. I cant exactly say that things have been going great lately. I've had a lot of fun, but things have been mounting up again. If I ever expected this to be a short battle I've been proven wrong. It's going to take a long time before I've got good life handling skills set in my personality. But the war goes on. This coming week I have it as a personal rule that I wont be going on any spontaneous outings unless I've got my stuff done. I will however be going on a few pre-planned things still :) I cant cut away my social life all together.
Well that's enough for today. I hope you all have a great Sunday!

My way and the Lords way

I have found that one of my most persistant personality traits is my independence. I hate the very thought of being dependent on anyone. I don't like too many stringent regulations on how I conduct my work. I don't like getting money I dont deserve since it tells me that I'm dependent on someone elses money for my support. I dont even really like set schedules. I guess thats why I chose the education I chose. Because it gives me freedome in my work.
The flipside of this striving for independence is that while I always wanted independence I never learned how to deal with actually having it. How to get myself to do the right and necessary things when noone was watching me or telling me what to do.

Enter the current war on lazyness. Now you'd think that I'd finally found the tools to deal with my inability to handle independence and finaly I would become a complete person in this respect. How wrong I was. Things went great to start with but soon I began noticing that something wasn't right. I looked at what I was doing but couldnt figure it out. And in most respects the program I've put myself under has been working great, there was just that undefinable thing... It wasnt until this sunday that I finaly figured out what it was. I had pretty much cut out the one person that made all of it possible and who lead me to the point where I made the decision to change. So in order to rectify this misstake I am here going to give my tribute to that one person.

Jesus Christ, the son of God, the Saviour of the world, the Creator of heaven and earth, the prince of peace, is my personal friend and brother! This realisation and testimony has come to me slowly over the last few years. He brought me to where I am today through counless trials and tribulations. To an outside observer it might seem like I should be angry instead of thankfull. But whenever I think of him its thankfullness that fills my heart. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings as I think of the times I've served him. The love I've felt, and the painfull truths about myself he has revealed. It was he who pressed upon my mind the gravity of my situation. It was he who comforted me when I felt that it was too much to bear, that it was hopeless and that I would remain the way I was forever. It was he who asked me, time and time again, to step out into the darkness and find the path back. It was he who presented me with the tools I needed to get my life in order, and I promptly forgot all he had done and trusted entirelly in the methods of man. But he was patient and lead me gently back to the path.

In summary I can say that I know that my redeemer lives! I know that he died for me, and the very thought makes me feel a stab of sorrow as well as overwhelming joy that he loved me so, that he would die for me. I know that he rose again on the third day and in so doing freed us all from the shackles of death. I can never thank him enough fo all that he went through in order to save a simple soul like mine. May I never forget his love and sacrifice and may I always remember his words to his appostles: "...I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen." (Matt 28:20)

May I leave this tribute and testimony to you all and with this end todays entry, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Report from the trenches

This last week has been all about settling into routines. Both good and bad ones. I'm getting used to my new schedule. I have a tendency to, given the chance, change my hours if I dont have anything set to do early in the morning. And in school this last year I had a lot of late lectures so I sort of got used to getting up later. That offcourse leads to a shorter day and getting to bed later. Those who know me know that I'm an expert at this. I have had to take drastic measures to get my sleeping patterns back into place several times. The routine of getting up early in the morning is getting easier and easier. Thats one good routine, however I havent quite started getting to bed on time. And this will probably not work in the long run. So thats a bad routine.

When this week started and allmost everyone I know went of to FestiNord I figured it'd be a calm week in which I would get a lot done. Reality turned out to be different. Three out of five nights I spent with a couple of friends and I didnt get a lot of things done. I dont consider it a waste though as one of my friends is leaving for home in Taiwan on sunday.

Here I am now. It's saturday and I have a lot of things to do. Instead I write my blog :P I guess thats good to. Writing this makes me more aware of myself and helps me focus my attention where its needed. My appartment is a mess since my brothers slept over here last night. So I'm leaving you now to go get some stuff done! Wish me luck!

*Straps on helmet and heads back to the front line*

War report - the first two weeks

After all this theory I think its time for a report from the war! My initial campaign against laziness was a smashing success! Having the element of surprise I was able to, through a series of blitz attacks, beat the enemy all the way back to the front door. There however he used the old proven technique of distraction (I got a job offer) and used his short respit to fortify himself in my laundrybin. I retreated to deal with the distraction and later returned and launched a massive campaign against him. But by this time he had establiched a strong beachhead in my kitchen from where he is now continously launching guilt and stress attacks against me. Today I launched several succesfull attacks against him and his position is severely weakened but he is still in control of that area. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better luck.

I bet everyone is going "?????" at this. Whenever I look closer at myself I find that I am very contradicting. For example I am very sensitive to clutter. When things are not clean and organised it makes me stressed, it makes me feel down and drains my resolve and strength to do things. On the other hand I am an expert at generating clutter. It comes so natural to me. I bet if there were olympic games in being undiciplined I'd reach a medal position in clutter every time.

Knowing this, one of the bigger changes I made was to make sure my living space was clean and organised. But my laundry gave me some trouble as I couldn't get a laundrytime immediately and other things kept distracting me. I actually bumped it up several days on my list until I figured out that I'd simply plan a time when I would go and book a time in the laundry room. (Not plan a time that I would book the room for, but rather plan a time when I would do the actual booking of the laundry room. I know, its really lame.) Either way by the time I had that done I had started my new job. I now work with logistics and specifically with handling import of cargo from the far east. This requires diciplin and organisation (I know its another contradiction in my life, that I, the guy who cant organise his own life is working with organising import of cargo :P )

Either way this really changed the framework on which I was fighting my war on lazyness. Now I have to deal with actual earned tiredness and having a large chunk of my day taken away from me in the most unflexible of ways. The timeslot in which I can take care of my appartement has shrunk considerably. So I let one of my favorite clutterzones clutter up again. The kitchen. Those who know me also know that at times one shouldn't venture into my kitchen without mountaineering gear :P So I thought I'd deal with it by puting the dishes on my list. Three days later I finaly, reluctantly, actually started doing them. I have gotten most of it out of the way but some remains to taunt me tomorrow. I'm learning first hand the dangers of letting things fester on my list. Everyday that there are unfinished tasks on my list makes my resolve drop. I guess my initial burst of energy has worn of and I now have to reenergise myself every day in order to stay ahead of the lazyness. It is now that I discover if I can stick with it or if its just another halfhearted attempt to change myself on the outside without letting the inside follow. But don't you worry. I have no intention of loosing this war!

Have a great day!

PS. A downside of getting a job this late in the summer is that getting time of becomes impossible. I'm not coming to FestiNord :( But lets not get down over that I wont have my routines interrupted beyond repair by it either :)

Thank you all for your encouragement. It really means a lot to me, really...

Getting stuff done
Ok! This is it! Brace yourselves! I'm actually going to make good on my promise and tell you about the lists! Everyone has probably had an encounter with the to-do list. It is loosely related to the "checklist" but only in that it is a list on which you place check marks (or cross things of) other than that there aren't many similarities.

To give you a better Idea of what a To-Do list is I'll give you some things that a To-Do list isnt. A to-do list is not:

• A list of goals
• A list of wishes
• A list of suggestions

Have you ever started out on a To-Do list only to fill it with work enough to fill weeks ahead? Have you ever written lofty ambitions such as "Finish reading that book", "Write essay" or "Work on project"? Have you ever succeded in finishing those entries on the list? Did you do anything on that list? I often made that mistake in the past. Giving myself fuzzy "Tasks" to do things I wish I had the discipline to do but didn't really expect to accomplish. Ive also had lists of tasks that I couldn't do for days because of circumstances beyond my control. By the time the circumstances were the right I had forgotten all about the task.

The to-do list is a tool. Not a master. It will not do the job for you (Another hard learned truth) It will not give you magical strength to go and do everything on the list. In the end any choice that is made comes back to one person. You. So the first thing you need to do is to set rules for your list. A rule could be to always carry your list. Another could be that no entertainment can be had until every task on the list has been processed (Done, delegated, defered or dropped) Never leave loose ends on the list. You should be able to throw away your list at the end of the day and write a new one for tomorrow without having to transfer unprocessed tasks to the next day. Leaving unprocessed tasks on the list at the end of the day is a terrible detriment to your self esteem and your resolve.

Ok, I keep talking about this as if you already know my definition for a good to-do list. An entry on a to do list has to meet these criteria or it doesn't belong there:

• It is a task, not a project or a calender item.
• It can be finished in a single sitting
• It can be carried out within 24 hours.
• It isn't dependent on other tasks that aren't on the list.
• If it requires special tools, that is stated.
• It is short, clear and precise.

Remember my little speech on the next logical action? The to-do list should only contain the next logical action of your current projects. If you have future tasks planned of future events as a part of those project they should be written on a project-plan or in a calender. Not on your to do list. The to-do list is not a running record of your future ambitions (Remember, it gets scrapped every night.) Its just a memory aide.

At the end of each day it is time to throw away your hopefully finished list and make a new one for the next day. This should be done by comparing your finished tasks to your running projects and figuring out the logical next steps that can reasonably be carried out during the next day. This is where you bring out the ideas you've written down during the day as well as your calender. When this is done throw away the old list and make sure you carry the new one with you. Personally I carry a small pack of filing cards held together by a binder clip. The top car always has my daily to-do list while the cards behind it contain brief points about my running projects, (Projects aren't just work. Most things in life can be defined as projects. Church callings, looking for a job, preparing for a musical number, gathering a soccer team for FestiNord etc. are all projects.) Whenever I think about solutions or generally have new input or ideas about my project they get written down on those cards. If any of them translate into actions that can be done that day they also end up on the to-do list. At the end of the day I go over my cards and figure out how to turn them into tasks to put on the to-do list.

Well, that was a lot of method and not a whole lot of me:) I can tell you that this is all very nifty but worth absolutely nothing unless you provide the motivation needed to go through with everything. I myself sense that my motivation to do every point on the list is sometimes not the best. I have deferred several points on the list to the next day because I didn't want to do them. Don't let that become a habit! Do you intend to do it? Then why dont you? If you don't intend to do it... then why is it on the list?

I hope this has all been of some help. Until next time:

Cool runnings!

Where to start

As I mentioned in my first entry my process of cleaning up my act started with realization. When the full extent of my predicament finaly came to me I also started wanting to do something about it. At that point it would have been easy to lie to myself, blame someone else, justify my way of life (I had excuses that I did use on myself for some time) and generally just drown those bad feelings in entertainment or things like that. After all I had done that every other time. But the thing is that there is allways a point where the excuses fade, the entertainment looses it's lure, the justifications are weak and we come to realise that we have ourselves and ourselves alone to blame for our actions and choices.

This is not a nice feeling, but it is good.

Not good as in enjoyable. Rather it is good because it brings humility, and humility is the first step to change. It is important not to sink into despair and become paralysed with anguish. How this is done I dont know. I just know that this time I didn't let myself succumb. I guess what saved me was that I have always had an image in my head and my heart of what my life should be like. No detailed plans or anything like that, rather just the feeling that I can do anything and that I'm meant for greater things. So being lazy and slacking through life is NOT according to the plan. I guess I came to the point where I could no longer accept that kind of behaviour of myself. So in rebellion against my own natural man my spiritual man sprang to action!

1. Do it!

My first action was to Do. Spencer W. Kimball didn't choose the motto "Do it!" because it sounded cool and was easy to remember. He chose it because he understood the value of action. Instantaneous, definitive action towards a goal. If we dont Do then things Don't get done. It really is that simple. I started out by doing the tasks I knew I had and could do right where I was.

I came home from a meeting of which I was keeping the minutes. So transcribing them and emailing the protocol to the people in the committy was the first thing I did. Having finished a task that I would usually put of until the last minutes was very empowering. Suddenly I didn't feel like a looser that didn't get things done. Instead I felt confident that whatever I decided to do and actually did, was possible. This is where instantaneous action comes in. The longer we deliberate over if we are going to do something or not the more chance we give the adversary and our natural man to talk us out of it. If we instead do the thing we decide immediately then there is a lot less internal opposition.

2. Make a list

Of course we can't do everything immediately. Sometimes we think of things that aren't possible in the place we are or at the time we think of it. Normaly I'd make a mental note that I would then promptly forget until about a day later at which time it would cause me considerable guilt. And guilt is dangerous. Sometimes it makes us do the thing we feel guilty about. But equally, if not more, often we shy away from things that make us feel guilty and instead do something with less guilt attached to it. This of course leads to more guilt and so the spiral goes downwards.

The other, better, way to deal with it is to write it down. In a perfect world we would also plan a time and a place when to carry out the task. Sometiumes that isnt possible, but we'll talk about that in my next entry. Any ways.. I thought of some things that badly needed doing and wrote a list to myself. I wrote only things that I knew I could actually accomplish within the next 24 hours. Not doing things that are on the list can be terribly detrimental to your resolve, so don't put things on there that you feel uncertain about. But more about that tomorrow.

3. Rules

A person who isn't governed by rules is ruled by chaos

The one thing that will decide if change is real and permanent or just a temporary guilt trip is the rules we set for ourselves and follow. The first rule I set formyself that fateful tuesday night was that I was not allowed to access anny form of entertainment (not even msn) until my tasks were done that evening. And I stuck by it. The next rule I set was that I was not allowed more then a certain amount of entertainment in the next 24 hours and that any item still on the list took priority. And so it has continued. It's the rules we set and follow that make the difference between success and failure.

This entry has gone on long enough and I'm sick of typing now. :P In my next entry I'll be talking about what a to-do list is and how to work it effectively. Until then... Sayonara!

First of all: Thank you for your comments and support! When strugling with a weakness it always helps to know others care about you. Now for todays entry:

Planning and Yak shaving

At this point I bet about 90% of you are thinking "What in the world is Yak shaving?" If you have never heard of it then it's high time you become aquainted with it. You have all done it and probably do it on a regular basis.

I dont know the origin of the word but for those who don't know a Yak is a large hairy animal living in and around the Himalayas. Shaving one is not a task undertaken lightly. Yak shaving however has nothing to do with yak's or shaving. It has a lot to do with planning though. You could say it's everything that planning isn't. I'll explain it with a story.

John decided one day to get into shape. To do this he realized he'd need a gym pass. He also needed som exercising clothes. He then realized his wallet was missing. He looked everywhere for it until he remembered it was in his car. He rushed out to the parkinglot only to realize his wife was using the car that day. He decided to call her so he went back inside only to find that the phone was not in its holder. Looking for the phone he noticed what a mess the kitchen was and realized he would never find the phone if he didn't clean up the kitchen. So he started moving some things and throwing away some trash when he came across the TV-guide and noticed that a football game he had been looking forward to was airing that day. So ge got a soda out of the fridge and sat down to watch it. Having completely forgot the gym pass and excercise.

Sound familiar? Yak shaving is the art of making a decision only to discover that to do A you need to get B, and to get B you have to do C and in order to be able to even start with C you have to make sure D is in place and so it goes on until you reach that first "key event" that makes the rest possible or you give up in frustration, the latter being by far the most common.

I have spent a considerable part of my life Yak shaving. The result is that everything takes 10 times longer then anticipated and most of the time the sheer scope of all the things you have to do in order to get the thing you want now makes you back off and decide to do something else. Like watching TV. Or look at another clip on youtube.

Yak shaving is the epitome of the Reactive lifestyle. Always reacting and adapting to the surrounding trying to make the best of the moment never really making and sticking to long range plans. So how does one escape the reactive lifestyle and beat ones tendency to yak shave?

The main driving force behind the Proactive lifestyle is planning. When we think of planning we usually think of lots of papers and time sitting down thinking hard and writing big statements and putting dates in our calendars. The first lesson of planning is that no plan, however elaborate will succed if you cant find the next logical step.

For example. How does the plan "Go on a mission" sound? I'll tell you right now it's a terrible plan! (I got your attention now didn't I? :P ) But wait! you say. Isn't going on a mission a great plan? Yes going on a mission is a wonderfull experience that I recomend to everyone. But the statement "Go on a mission" is not a plan. It's an ambition. It sais nothing about what it means, what will be required of the young man/woman/senior couple, how one goes about going on a mission etc.

A good plan always has a logical next step. The next isolated smallest possible single action that will get you further along the road to your goal. It could be "Tell my bishop next sunday that I wish to go on a mission." Now we have a plan! From that single action many more will spawn. If analysed and broken down into its smallest possible parts you can start piecing together exactly what needs to be done. Then in a daily list you write only the actions that are the next logical step. Then do these and keep refilling the list with up to date logical next steps and before you know it you will be sitting on the plane flying to the MTC confident that you did everything that needed to be done when it needed to be done. (I on the other hand did it mostly the other way. Looking at the big actions and just barely got everything done in the last minute. All the while feeling really stressed.)

I'll end todays post with this. I promised myself my posts were going to be shorter then yesterdays but that doesn't seem to be possible. Tomorrow I'l give some more insight into how working with lists got me back on track. I'll just say this. Looking at todays list I realize that I wouldn't even have remembered half the stuff I did today if it hadn't been on there. And it was only the most important stuff I put on there. Well good night for now! See you all tomorrow!

Archived from Finaldimension.net:

I thought it was high time to break the finish dominance in the Blog forum. :P

For those who dont know me, I am a 25 year old design student currently taking a break from school to work for a year. I am living the free single life in Göteborg and have been mostly enjoying it so far. But about a week ago I came to a poignant and lifechanging realization: I'm Lazy!

I have allways suspected it and have even joked about how that is one of my main traits. I am not talking about regular, to tired to have a hobby lazyness here. I'm talking about being Lazy. (Notice the capital L) I suspect it started at the end of last summer when I found out that one of my closest classmates had died in a Motorcycle accident. That semester started on a very sombre note and never really got any better. I told myself I was over it and could keep going as usuall but when the schoolyear ended I was way behind on my credits and absolutely hated being anywhere near the schoolbuildings. (During my first and second year I practically lived there) Looking back at the year I realized I was slowly slipping into a pattern of not getting things done, allways scrambling to finish assignments in the last minute possible and never really excelling in anything. I failed test after test and my confidence in my ability to actually pass a test was withering away. In the midst of all this my scripture studies and my prayers went from bad to worse. A few times during the year I made attempts to get back on track and was successfull for a week or so at a time.

All this time I realized my situation was going out of control, but I didn't seem to have the strength, or rather the method, to get myself out of it. Toward the end of the schoolyear the magnitude of my crisis was beginning to dawn on me. I slowly forced myself to get back to the scriptures and start praying again. That lead to the temple where I after a terrible sleepless night in the guesthome came up with a plan, or rather the beginnings of one. I decided to take a break in my studies and work for a year and use that time to get back on track. This felt really good and I felt the Lord confirmed that this was the right thing to do. I figured I'd get back to my job from last year and work there, raking in the cash (It was pretty well payed for a starter-job.) This was however not the Lords plan. My job application got rejected and I ended up in an extended period of unemployment. My economic situation deteriorated and my problem with not getting things done resurfaced. All this I knew but I kept pushing away the feelings and burried myself in different ways to entertain myself.

What finaly woke me up was a meeting in my church calling last tuesday. I came there terribly unprepared and came away feeling that I wasn't getting any of my responsibilities done. I felt really down and for the first time it really hit me that I wasn't the only one getting hurt by this. My problem hurt my calling and the people that it affected. I was feeling really sorry for myself until Elder Tolboe told me that hard times hit us all but what defines the person is what we do with them. That immediately made me think I was a looser. But then I rebelled against that thought. How could I accept that of myself? Being a looser was never a part of my plan!

That night I came home and immediately, probably out of stubborn quiet rage at myself, got all my assignments done. I then wrote a list of things that had to be done the next day and put it on the keyboard of my computer (The computer being the main distraction for me.) To my own amazement I actually did the whole list, which included boring tasks that I'd put of for weeks, and made a new one for the next day. A week has now passed and I'm still going strong. I'm nowhere near perfect and there are still many areas I need to work on. In this blog I'm going to let you follow my progress and tell you about some methods that have helped me so far. But this post is allready way too long so I'm going to leave that for tomorrow! See you all then!