I'm Back!

Its been allmost two weeks since I last wrote. I've had a lot to do and have done some computer reinstalling/maintenance and in the middle of all that forgot about keeping my blog updated. Sorry for that.

Lately there has been a lot of ups and downs. It's interesting to note how big an effect emotional states have on my productivity and general well being as a person. I find that when I'm emotionally unbalanced I tend to make bad decisions. Even about seemingly unrelated things. For example I tend to need to be around people more which can make me choose to do things that are fun with people instead of doing things I know I have to get done. This leads to a semi-fun evening during which I feel guilt about what I'm not getting done and stress over the fact that I'm going to have to squeeze it in later. This of course does nothing about the emotional imbalance that prompted the behaviour in the first place but rather worsens it as feelings of guilt and worthlessness slowly settle themselves into my mind and heart. I also tend to have poor economical judgement and waste money that I know I'll need later. As if I could somehow buy myself some emotional balance and happiness. I always find ways to justify and make calculations that I know aren't really based on the facts. This leads to more stress and guilt and adds to any feelings of low self esteem or social insecurity.
So how do I combat this behaviour? If anyone has a definitive answer to that then please give it to me! The only answer I can think of is self discipline. To force myself to go against my instincts in these cases and get things done instead.
And that's the hard part. I cant exactly say that things have been going great lately. I've had a lot of fun, but things have been mounting up again. If I ever expected this to be a short battle I've been proven wrong. It's going to take a long time before I've got good life handling skills set in my personality. But the war goes on. This coming week I have it as a personal rule that I wont be going on any spontaneous outings unless I've got my stuff done. I will however be going on a few pre-planned things still :) I cant cut away my social life all together.
Well that's enough for today. I hope you all have a great Sunday!