Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My way and the Lords way

I have found that one of my most persistant personality traits is my independence. I hate the very thought of being dependent on anyone. I don't like too many stringent regulations on how I conduct my work. I don't like getting money I dont deserve since it tells me that I'm dependent on someone elses money for my support. I dont even really like set schedules. I guess thats why I chose the education I chose. Because it gives me freedome in my work.
The flipside of this striving for independence is that while I always wanted independence I never learned how to deal with actually having it. How to get myself to do the right and necessary things when noone was watching me or telling me what to do.

Enter the current war on lazyness. Now you'd think that I'd finally found the tools to deal with my inability to handle independence and finaly I would become a complete person in this respect. How wrong I was. Things went great to start with but soon I began noticing that something wasn't right. I looked at what I was doing but couldnt figure it out. And in most respects the program I've put myself under has been working great, there was just that undefinable thing... It wasnt until this sunday that I finaly figured out what it was. I had pretty much cut out the one person that made all of it possible and who lead me to the point where I made the decision to change. So in order to rectify this misstake I am here going to give my tribute to that one person.

Jesus Christ, the son of God, the Saviour of the world, the Creator of heaven and earth, the prince of peace, is my personal friend and brother! This realisation and testimony has come to me slowly over the last few years. He brought me to where I am today through counless trials and tribulations. To an outside observer it might seem like I should be angry instead of thankfull. But whenever I think of him its thankfullness that fills my heart. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings as I think of the times I've served him. The love I've felt, and the painfull truths about myself he has revealed. It was he who pressed upon my mind the gravity of my situation. It was he who comforted me when I felt that it was too much to bear, that it was hopeless and that I would remain the way I was forever. It was he who asked me, time and time again, to step out into the darkness and find the path back. It was he who presented me with the tools I needed to get my life in order, and I promptly forgot all he had done and trusted entirelly in the methods of man. But he was patient and lead me gently back to the path.

In summary I can say that I know that my redeemer lives! I know that he died for me, and the very thought makes me feel a stab of sorrow as well as overwhelming joy that he loved me so, that he would die for me. I know that he rose again on the third day and in so doing freed us all from the shackles of death. I can never thank him enough fo all that he went through in order to save a simple soul like mine. May I never forget his love and sacrifice and may I always remember his words to his appostles: "...I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen." (Matt 28:20)

May I leave this tribute and testimony to you all and with this end todays entry, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Report from the trenches

This last week has been all about settling into routines. Both good and bad ones. I'm getting used to my new schedule. I have a tendency to, given the chance, change my hours if I dont have anything set to do early in the morning. And in school this last year I had a lot of late lectures so I sort of got used to getting up later. That offcourse leads to a shorter day and getting to bed later. Those who know me know that I'm an expert at this. I have had to take drastic measures to get my sleeping patterns back into place several times. The routine of getting up early in the morning is getting easier and easier. Thats one good routine, however I havent quite started getting to bed on time. And this will probably not work in the long run. So thats a bad routine.

When this week started and allmost everyone I know went of to FestiNord I figured it'd be a calm week in which I would get a lot done. Reality turned out to be different. Three out of five nights I spent with a couple of friends and I didnt get a lot of things done. I dont consider it a waste though as one of my friends is leaving for home in Taiwan on sunday.

Here I am now. It's saturday and I have a lot of things to do. Instead I write my blog :P I guess thats good to. Writing this makes me more aware of myself and helps me focus my attention where its needed. My appartment is a mess since my brothers slept over here last night. So I'm leaving you now to go get some stuff done! Wish me luck!

*Straps on helmet and heads back to the front line*

Thursday, July 19, 2007

War report - the first two weeks

After all this theory I think its time for a report from the war! My initial campaign against laziness was a smashing success! Having the element of surprise I was able to, through a series of blitz attacks, beat the enemy all the way back to the front door. There however he used the old proven technique of distraction (I got a job offer) and used his short respit to fortify himself in my laundrybin. I retreated to deal with the distraction and later returned and launched a massive campaign against him. But by this time he had establiched a strong beachhead in my kitchen from where he is now continously launching guilt and stress attacks against me. Today I launched several succesfull attacks against him and his position is severely weakened but he is still in control of that area. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better luck.

I bet everyone is going "?????" at this. Whenever I look closer at myself I find that I am very contradicting. For example I am very sensitive to clutter. When things are not clean and organised it makes me stressed, it makes me feel down and drains my resolve and strength to do things. On the other hand I am an expert at generating clutter. It comes so natural to me. I bet if there were olympic games in being undiciplined I'd reach a medal position in clutter every time.

Knowing this, one of the bigger changes I made was to make sure my living space was clean and organised. But my laundry gave me some trouble as I couldn't get a laundrytime immediately and other things kept distracting me. I actually bumped it up several days on my list until I figured out that I'd simply plan a time when I would go and book a time in the laundry room. (Not plan a time that I would book the room for, but rather plan a time when I would do the actual booking of the laundry room. I know, its really lame.) Either way by the time I had that done I had started my new job. I now work with logistics and specifically with handling import of cargo from the far east. This requires diciplin and organisation (I know its another contradiction in my life, that I, the guy who cant organise his own life is working with organising import of cargo :P )

Either way this really changed the framework on which I was fighting my war on lazyness. Now I have to deal with actual earned tiredness and having a large chunk of my day taken away from me in the most unflexible of ways. The timeslot in which I can take care of my appartement has shrunk considerably. So I let one of my favorite clutterzones clutter up again. The kitchen. Those who know me also know that at times one shouldn't venture into my kitchen without mountaineering gear :P So I thought I'd deal with it by puting the dishes on my list. Three days later I finaly, reluctantly, actually started doing them. I have gotten most of it out of the way but some remains to taunt me tomorrow. I'm learning first hand the dangers of letting things fester on my list. Everyday that there are unfinished tasks on my list makes my resolve drop. I guess my initial burst of energy has worn of and I now have to reenergise myself every day in order to stay ahead of the lazyness. It is now that I discover if I can stick with it or if its just another halfhearted attempt to change myself on the outside without letting the inside follow. But don't you worry. I have no intention of loosing this war!

Have a great day!

PS. A downside of getting a job this late in the summer is that getting time of becomes impossible. I'm not coming to FestiNord :( But lets not get down over that I wont have my routines interrupted beyond repair by it either :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Thank you all for your encouragement. It really means a lot to me, really...

Getting stuff done
Ok! This is it! Brace yourselves! I'm actually going to make good on my promise and tell you about the lists! Everyone has probably had an encounter with the to-do list. It is loosely related to the "checklist" but only in that it is a list on which you place check marks (or cross things of) other than that there aren't many similarities.

To give you a better Idea of what a To-Do list is I'll give you some things that a To-Do list isnt. A to-do list is not:

  • A list of goals
  • A list of wishes
  • A list of suggestions

Have you ever started out on a To-Do list only to fill it with work enough to fill weeks ahead? Have you ever written lofty ambitions such as "Finish reading that book", "Write essay" or "Work on project"? Have you ever succeded in finishing those entries on the list? Did you do anything on that list? I often made that mistake in the past. Giving myself fuzzy "Tasks" to do things I wish I had the discipline to do but didn't really expect to accomplish. Ive also had lists of tasks that I couldn't do for days because of circumstances beyond my control. By the time the circumstances were the right I had forgotten all about the task.

The to-do list is a tool. Not a master. It will not do the job for you (Another hard learned truth) It will not give you magical strength to go and do everything on the list. In the end any choice that is made comes back to one person. You. So the first thing you need to do is to set rules for your list. A rule could be to always carry your list. Another could be that no entertainment can be had until every task on the list has been processed (Done, delegated, defered or dropped) Never leave loose ends on the list. You should be able to throw away your list at the end of the day and write a new one for tomorrow without having to transfer unprocessed tasks to the next day. Leaving unprocessed tasks on the list at the end of the day is a terrible detriment to your self esteem and your resolve.

Ok, I keep talking about this as if you already know my definition for a good to-do list. An entry on a to do list has to meet these criteria or it doesn't belong there:

    • It is a task, not a project or a calender item.
    • It can be finished in a single sitting
    • It can be carried out within 24 hours.
    • It isn't dependent on other tasks that aren't on the list.
    • If it requires special tools, that is stated.
    • It is short, clear and precise.


Remember my little speech on the next logical action? The to-do list should only contain the next logical action of your current projects. If you have future tasks planned of future events as a part of those project they should be written on a project-plan or in a calender. Not on your to do list. The to-do list is not a running record of your future ambitions (Remember, it gets scrapped every night.) Its just a memory aide.

At the end of each day it is time to throw away your hopefully finished list and make a new one for the next day. This should be done by comparing your finished tasks to your running projects and figuring out the logical next steps that can reasonably be carried out during the next day. This is where you bring out the ideas you've written down during the day as well as your calender. When this is done throw away the old list and make sure you carry the new one with you. Personally I carry a small pack of filing cards held together by a binder clip. The top car always has my daily to-do list while the cards behind it contain brief points about my running projects, (Projects aren't just work. Most things in life can be defined as projects. Church callings, looking for a job, preparing for a musical number, gathering a soccer team for FestiNord etc. are all projects.) Whenever I think about solutions or generally have new input or ideas about my project they get written down on those cards. If any of them translate into actions that can be done that day they also end up on the to-do list. At the end of the day I go over my cards and figure out how to turn them into tasks to put on the to-do list.

Well, that was a lot of method and not a whole lot of me:) I can tell you that this is all very nifty but worth absolutely nothing unless you provide the motivation needed to go through with everything. I myself sense that my motivation to do every point on the list is sometimes not the best. I have deferred several points on the list to the next day because I didn't want to do them. Don't let that become a habit! Do you intend to do it? Then why dont you? If you don't intend to do it... then why is it on the list?

I hope this has all been of some help. Until next time:

Cool runnings!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Where to start

As I mentioned in my first entry my process of cleaning up my act started with realization. When the full extent of my predicament finaly came to me I also started wanting to do something about it. At that point it would have been easy to lie to myself, blame someone else, justify my way of life (I had excuses that I did use on myself for some time) and generally just drown those bad feelings in entertainment or things like that. After all I had done that every other time. But the thing is that there is allways a point where the excuses fade, the entertainment looses it's lure, the justifications are weak and we come to realise that we have ourselves and ourselves alone to blame for our actions and choices.

This is not a nice feeling, but it is good.

Not good as in enjoyable. Rather it is good because it brings humility, and humility is the first step to change. It is important not to sink into despair and become paralysed with anguish. How this is done I dont know. I just know that this time I didn't let myself succumb. I guess what saved me was that I have always had an image in my head and my heart of what my life should be like. No detailed plans or anything like that, rather just the feeling that I can do anything and that I'm meant for greater things. So being lazy and slacking through life is NOT according to the plan. I guess I came to the point where I could no longer accept that kind of behaviour of myself. So in rebellion against my own natural man my spiritual man sprang to action!

1. Do it!

My first action was to Do. Spencer W. Kimball didn't choose the motto "Do it!" because it sounded cool and was easy to remember. He chose it because he understood the value of action. Instantaneous, definitive action towards a goal. If we dont Do then things Don't get done. It really is that simple. I started out by doing the tasks I knew I had and could do right where I was.

I came home from a meeting of which I was keeping the minutes. So transcribing them and emailing the protocol to the people in the committy was the first thing I did. Having finished a task that I would usually put of until the last minutes was very empowering. Suddenly I didn't feel like a looser that didn't get things done. Instead I felt confident that whatever I decided to do and actually did, was possible. This is where instantaneous action comes in. The longer we deliberate over if we are going to do something or not the more chance we give the adversary and our natural man to talk us out of it. If we instead do the thing we decide immediately then there is a lot less internal opposition.

2. Make a list

Of course we can't do everything immediately. Sometimes we think of things that aren't possible in the place we are or at the time we think of it. Normaly I'd make a mental note that I would then promptly forget until about a day later at which time it would cause me considerable guilt. And guilt is dangerous. Sometimes it makes us do the thing we feel guilty about. But equally, if not more, often we shy away from things that make us feel guilty and instead do something with less guilt attached to it. This of course leads to more guilt and so the spiral goes downwards.

The other, better, way to deal with it is to write it down. In a perfect world we would also plan a time and a place when to carry out the task. Sometiumes that isnt possible, but we'll talk about that in my next entry. Any ways.. I thought of some things that badly needed doing and wrote a list to myself. I wrote only things that I knew I could actually accomplish within the next 24 hours. Not doing things that are on the list can be terribly detrimental to your resolve, so don't put things on there that you feel uncertain about. But more about that tomorrow.

3. Rules

A person who isn't governed by rules is ruled by chaos

The one thing that will decide if change is real and permanent or just a temporary guilt trip is the rules we set for ourselves and follow. The first rule I set formyself that fateful tuesday night was that I was not allowed to access anny form of entertainment (not even msn) until my tasks were done that evening. And I stuck by it. The next rule I set was that I was not allowed more then a certain amount of entertainment in the next 24 hours and that any item still on the list took priority. And so it has continued. It's the rules we set and follow that make the difference between success and failure.

This entry has gone on long enough and I'm sick of typing now. :P In my next entry I'll be talking about what a to-do list is and how to work it effectively. Until then... Sayonara!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

First of all: Thank you for your comments and support! When strugling with a weakness it always helps to know others care about you. Now for todays entry:

Planning and Yak shaving

At this point I bet about 90% of you are thinking "What in the world is Yak shaving?" If you have never heard of it then it's high time you become aquainted with it. You have all done it and probably do it on a regular basis.

I dont know the origin of the word but for those who don't know a Yak is a large hairy animal living in and around the Himalayas. Shaving one is not a task undertaken lightly. Yak shaving however has nothing to do with yak's or shaving. It has a lot to do with planning though. You could say it's everything that planning isn't. I'll explain it with a story.

John decided one day to get into shape. To do this he realized he'd need a gym pass. He also needed som exercising clothes. He then realized his wallet was missing. He looked everywhere for it until he remembered it was in his car. He rushed out to the parkinglot only to realize his wife was using the car that day. He decided to call her so he went back inside only to find that the phone was not in its holder. Looking for the phone he noticed what a mess the kitchen was and realized he would never find the phone if he didn't clean up the kitchen. So he started moving some things and throwing away some trash when he came across the TV-guide and noticed that a football game he had been looking forward to was airing that day. So ge got a soda out of the fridge and sat down to watch it. Having completely forgot the gym pass and excercise.


Sound familiar? Yak shaving is the art of making a decision only to discover that to do A you need to get B, and to get B you have to do C and in order to be able to even start with C you have to make sure D is in place and so it goes on until you reach that first "key event" that makes the rest possible or you give up in frustration, the latter being by far the most common.

I have spent a considerable part of my life Yak shaving. The result is that everything takes 10 times longer then anticipated and most of the time the sheer scope of all the things you have to do in order to get the thing you want now makes you back off and decide to do something else. Like watching TV. Or look at another clip on youtube.

Yak shaving is the epitome of the Reactive lifestyle. Always reacting and adapting to the surrounding trying to make the best of the moment never really making and sticking to long range plans. So how does one escape the reactive lifestyle and beat ones tendency to yak shave?

The main driving force behind the Proactive lifestyle is planning. When we think of planning we usually think of lots of papers and time sitting down thinking hard and writing big statements and putting dates in our calendars. The first lesson of planning is that no plan, however elaborate will succed if you cant find the next logical step.

For example. How does the plan "Go on a mission" sound? I'll tell you right now it's a terrible plan! (I got your attention now didn't I? :P ) But wait! you say. Isn't going on a mission a great plan? Yes going on a mission is a wonderfull experience that I recomend to everyone. But the statement "Go on a mission" is not a plan. It's an ambition. It sais nothing about what it means, what will be required of the young man/woman/senior couple, how one goes about going on a mission etc.

A good plan always has a logical next step. The next isolated smallest possible single action that will get you further along the road to your goal. It could be "Tell my bishop next sunday that I wish to go on a mission." Now we have a plan! From that single action many more will spawn. If analysed and broken down into its smallest possible parts you can start piecing together exactly what needs to be done. Then in a daily list you write only the actions that are the next logical step. Then do these and keep refilling the list with up to date logical next steps and before you know it you will be sitting on the plane flying to the MTC confident that you did everything that needed to be done when it needed to be done. (I on the other hand did it mostly the other way. Looking at the big actions and just barely got everything done in the last minute. All the while feeling really stressed.)

I'll end todays post with this. I promised myself my posts were going to be shorter then yesterdays but that doesn't seem to be possible. Tomorrow I'l give some more insight into how working with lists got me back on track. I'll just say this. Looking at todays list I realize that I wouldn't even have remembered half the stuff I did today if it hadn't been on there. And it was only the most important stuff I put on there. Well good night for now! See you all tomorrow!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Archived from Finaldimension.net:

I thought it was high time to break the finish dominance in the Blog forum. :P

For those who dont know me, I am a 25 year old design student currently taking a break from school to work for a year. I am living the free single life in Göteborg and have been mostly enjoying it so far. But about a week ago I came to a poignant and lifechanging realization: I'm Lazy!

I have allways suspected it and have even joked about how that is one of my main traits. I am not talking about regular, to tired to have a hobby lazyness here. I'm talking about being Lazy. (Notice the capital L) I suspect it started at the end of last summer when I found out that one of my closest classmates had died in a Motorcycle accident. That semester started on a very sombre note and never really got any better. I told myself I was over it and could keep going as usuall but when the schoolyear ended I was way behind on my credits and absolutely hated being anywhere near the schoolbuildings. (During my first and second year I practically lived there) Looking back at the year I realized I was slowly slipping into a pattern of not getting things done, allways scrambling to finish assignments in the last minute possible and never really excelling in anything. I failed test after test and my confidence in my ability to actually pass a test was withering away. In the midst of all this my scripture studies and my prayers went from bad to worse. A few times during the year I made attempts to get back on track and was successfull for a week or so at a time.

All this time I realized my situation was going out of control, but I didn't seem to have the strength, or rather the method, to get myself out of it. Toward the end of the schoolyear the magnitude of my crisis was beginning to dawn on me. I slowly forced myself to get back to the scriptures and start praying again. That lead to the temple where I after a terrible sleepless night in the guesthome came up with a plan, or rather the beginnings of one. I decided to take a break in my studies and work for a year and use that time to get back on track. This felt really good and I felt the Lord confirmed that this was the right thing to do. I figured I'd get back to my job from last year and work there, raking in the cash (It was pretty well payed for a starter-job.) This was however not the Lords plan. My job application got rejected and I ended up in an extended period of unemployment. My economic situation deteriorated and my problem with not getting things done resurfaced. All this I knew but I kept pushing away the feelings and burried myself in different ways to entertain myself.

What finaly woke me up was a meeting in my church calling last tuesday. I came there terribly unprepared and came away feeling that I wasn't getting any of my responsibilities done. I felt really down and for the first time it really hit me that I wasn't the only one getting hurt by this. My problem hurt my calling and the people that it affected. I was feeling really sorry for myself until Elder Tolboe told me that hard times hit us all but what defines the person is what we do with them. That immediately made me think I was a looser. But then I rebelled against that thought. How could I accept that of myself? Being a looser was never a part of my plan!

That night I came home and immediately, probably out of stubborn quiet rage at myself, got all my assignments done. I then wrote a list of things that had to be done the next day and put it on the keyboard of my computer (The computer being the main distraction for me.) To my own amazement I actually did the whole list, which included boring tasks that I'd put of for weeks, and made a new one for the next day. A week has now passed and I'm still going strong. I'm nowhere near perfect and there are still many areas I need to work on. In this blog I'm going to let you follow my progress and tell you about some methods that have helped me so far. But this post is allready way too long so I'm going to leave that for tomorrow! See you all then!