Where to start

As I mentioned in my first entry my process of cleaning up my act started with realization. When the full extent of my predicament finaly came to me I also started wanting to do something about it. At that point it would have been easy to lie to myself, blame someone else, justify my way of life (I had excuses that I did use on myself for some time) and generally just drown those bad feelings in entertainment or things like that. After all I had done that every other time. But the thing is that there is allways a point where the excuses fade, the entertainment looses it's lure, the justifications are weak and we come to realise that we have ourselves and ourselves alone to blame for our actions and choices.

This is not a nice feeling, but it is good.

Not good as in enjoyable. Rather it is good because it brings humility, and humility is the first step to change. It is important not to sink into despair and become paralysed with anguish. How this is done I dont know. I just know that this time I didn't let myself succumb. I guess what saved me was that I have always had an image in my head and my heart of what my life should be like. No detailed plans or anything like that, rather just the feeling that I can do anything and that I'm meant for greater things. So being lazy and slacking through life is NOT according to the plan. I guess I came to the point where I could no longer accept that kind of behaviour of myself. So in rebellion against my own natural man my spiritual man sprang to action!

1. Do it!

My first action was to Do. Spencer W. Kimball didn't choose the motto "Do it!" because it sounded cool and was easy to remember. He chose it because he understood the value of action. Instantaneous, definitive action towards a goal. If we dont Do then things Don't get done. It really is that simple. I started out by doing the tasks I knew I had and could do right where I was.

I came home from a meeting of which I was keeping the minutes. So transcribing them and emailing the protocol to the people in the committy was the first thing I did. Having finished a task that I would usually put of until the last minutes was very empowering. Suddenly I didn't feel like a looser that didn't get things done. Instead I felt confident that whatever I decided to do and actually did, was possible. This is where instantaneous action comes in. The longer we deliberate over if we are going to do something or not the more chance we give the adversary and our natural man to talk us out of it. If we instead do the thing we decide immediately then there is a lot less internal opposition.

2. Make a list

Of course we can't do everything immediately. Sometimes we think of things that aren't possible in the place we are or at the time we think of it. Normaly I'd make a mental note that I would then promptly forget until about a day later at which time it would cause me considerable guilt. And guilt is dangerous. Sometimes it makes us do the thing we feel guilty about. But equally, if not more, often we shy away from things that make us feel guilty and instead do something with less guilt attached to it. This of course leads to more guilt and so the spiral goes downwards.

The other, better, way to deal with it is to write it down. In a perfect world we would also plan a time and a place when to carry out the task. Sometiumes that isnt possible, but we'll talk about that in my next entry. Any ways.. I thought of some things that badly needed doing and wrote a list to myself. I wrote only things that I knew I could actually accomplish within the next 24 hours. Not doing things that are on the list can be terribly detrimental to your resolve, so don't put things on there that you feel uncertain about. But more about that tomorrow.

3. Rules

A person who isn't governed by rules is ruled by chaos

The one thing that will decide if change is real and permanent or just a temporary guilt trip is the rules we set for ourselves and follow. The first rule I set formyself that fateful tuesday night was that I was not allowed to access anny form of entertainment (not even msn) until my tasks were done that evening. And I stuck by it. The next rule I set was that I was not allowed more then a certain amount of entertainment in the next 24 hours and that any item still on the list took priority. And so it has continued. It's the rules we set and follow that make the difference between success and failure.

This entry has gone on long enough and I'm sick of typing now. :P In my next entry I'll be talking about what a to-do list is and how to work it effectively. Until then... Sayonara!