Ramblings and thoughts

Sitting down to write this I really have no idea what to write. Lots of thoughts are rushing trough my head and I find myself closing in on one of the big deciding moments of my life. I wont tell you here what that is about or which way I'm leaning on it since it would disturb my process of decision too much. I just want you to keep it in mind before you read today's entry and start wondering why I don't make any sense.

Lately I've invested a considerable amount of money (at least by my standards) into personal productivity. I've bought all the gear I've needed, the lack of which has often kept me from getting things done in a timely manner. I've made big changes and little progress. You could say I've discovered where the breakpoint is between tools and motivation. I've discovered that personal productivity is relatively easy if you are by yourself and exclude emotion from the equation. But add a high workload, little time and emotional investment and the equation goes haywire very fast. I guess the real challenge is to use the little time and the moments of sanity wisely in order to allow for the relative insanity that emotions can sometimes be.

Today's institute class gave me a reminder that I need to really go over my high level goals soon. I guess my trip to the Temple in Copenhagen this weekend will be the perfect time to really decide about my 50.000ft level goals. Things like what am I here for? Where am I going? And not just in the general sense (Cause we all know the textbook answers to those questions) but more in the sense of: Why am I here? Where am I going? Me personally. Where do I aim in life? I have long been avoiding that personal assessment. Instead hiding behind the text-book answers. Those answers are of course valid as well. But they don't give me much help with deciding some of the bigger decisions in life. So the question I am asking myself and will be working more thoroughly on is not "How should man live life" But rather "Where am I, Michael Dundee, going in life and why?" So now maybe you understand why my thoughts are a bit unfocused on the specifics on combating laziness in my life.

That war rages on however and I gain ground every day. For example I'm really tired right now. This is quite unusual for me who used to happily stay up until 2 or 3 am without getting particularly tired. But this is also a good development. Because it means I get to sleep on time and I'm rarely ever tired at work any more. My use of lists has deteriorated somewhat and I find I'm not as effective as I was a month ago. But at the same time I've really learned to take my mind of things and make space for focused efforts at work etc. So its a mixture of good and bad.

I think I'll leave you with these ramblings of my mind. If you didn't understand then I dont blame you. I dont even understand a lot right now. I just hope I make the right choice with my "Big decision." But we'll see. Good bye for now!