Athletes, scientists, engineers, coorporate officers etc. all speak of a state of being that they all strive for and sometimes find. It's called Flow. It's the feeling of being in total control of yourself and having perfect focus on the tasks at hand. When in flow you wont be distracted or thrown of by external events but will rather adapt to them and solve them as you go. Never taking your focus of the goal. David Allen, in his book "Getting things done", speaks of a state called "Mind like water" where the mind, having rid itself of all distractions, is ready to absorb and deal with any problem it may encounter, without missing a beat on its way to its goal.
Most of the time, this state of being is just a goal, a vision of what we want our lives to be like. But sometimes, in the rarest of moments, we get to experience it. For an elite athlete it might be while running a race. He/She finds the perfect rhythm, the perfect distribution of body balance, the perfect breathing pace and somehow feels previously unknown strength push him/her along in an ever increasing speed that is just right and in that moment he/she easily, without even noticing the extreme exertion he/she is making, glide past his/her competitors and win the race. For the scientist/engineer it might be that one afternoon when all the pieces fall into place and everything becomes clear. The afternoon they solve that big problem they haven't been able to quite get their heads around for the last few weeks. The afternoon that all the new ideas appear and fall into their proper places enabling the CEO to finally plan out the new organisational structure. That one performance where the singer doesn't miss a single note and the music is perfectly timed down to the microsecond.
That's flow.
Why do I mention this then? Well, I think I have been coming close to it sometimes lately. If I were to describe my life right now it would only take one word: Awesome! That word I don't use lightly. I tend to not like using it at all. I feel like things in my life are falling into place. I have almost caught up with my own life and am starting to feel good about my situation in general. That's a feeling I haven't really felt since shortly after my mission. I remember times as a missionary when things were fantastic. People didn't want to talk to me more then usual. They weren't easier to persuade, the weather wasn't any better then other days, I hadn't had better food or anything like that. I just felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I was supposed to do and better yet, doing it in exactly the way I was supposed to do it. When I was in this state it didn't matter what people around me said or did. Nothing could break my spirits. Regretfully I wasn't in this state the majority of the time.
It think the key to why I'm feeling so good about myself lately is the fact that I am proactive instead of reactive. That I make choices and act on them, instead of having choice pushed upon me and only time to try and pick the least painful alternative. Someone once said that getting a few things done is several times more effective then standing in front of a mirror and repeating "I am someone and I can achieve anything I set my mind to" to yourself a thousand times. It gives a lot of confidence when you see that you have actually done the hardest part, which is to begin, and that you are not only telling yourself that you are a someone but rather showing yourself.
If that last part isn't making a lot of sense it is because I'm getting really sleepy now. I hope you can all find flow sometimes in your lives. As for me. I seriously need some sleep:P
Good night all!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Getting the right tools, removing obstacles
Our brains are in many ways the most brilliant creations in this world. They are highly versatile information processing units capable of discerning patterns on levels far too deep and too abstract for any machine. They are capable of combining and cross referencing vast amounts of very different kinds data and in them find reason, meaning and conclusions. They are also capable of "making stuff up" i.e. of producing intricate systems of data based on real input but having no real counterpart. They are able to feel enjoyment, try getting a computer to do that!
Finally they are excellent crisis managing systems. Able to think in several directions at once and combining instincts and experience and then add some "made up stuff" to find a solution to any given problem.
So how is it that while we all walk around with these miracle machines in our heads (we all got one at birth, free of charge!) we end up making all the huge mistakes we do? How do we end up overwhelmed by the amount of work we have to do or the information we take in? Why do we forget things that are important and remember things that are trivial? The answer is that while our brains are brilliant they are also really dumb. Our brains absolutely suck at advance planning, prioritizing and reminding. To our brains every decision has the same amount of importance, whether it is to read the news paper or to take out a bank loan, to buy a bike or invade a country. Our brains don't see the difference in priority. It also has the worst sense of timing.
If our brains could think properly they would remind us of the letter we need to mail before we walk out the door. They would realise that its not a big deal that you forgot to get a package of milk at the store because at least you got all the food needed for tonight's dinner party. If it could really think it would have reminded you of the milk while you were in the store. Thus saving you the trouble of forgetting it in the first place.
Some part of our brain is stuck in the present. So if you tell your brain that you need to do something it'll think that you have to do it NOW. It assumes that you need to do that thing ALWAYS. And if you tell your brain to remember two things you need to do it'll get really frustrated, because it wants you to do both NOW but it knows that thats impossible, so it thinks you are failing.
The third truth to know about our brains is that they never forget. They might not remind you when you most need it. But they will remember. They remember every broken agreement, even if you don't. They remember the thing you promised that you would do today and will hold you accountable for not doing it. Even if they never remind you.
So how do we get past this then? We need external tools to help our brains with its weaknesses. The brain is happy to give away the tasks its not good at ONLY if it trusts the replacing tool. So a well kept calender can relieve the brain of the burden of having to remind you of planned events. But if your brain suspects you are not keeping the calender up to date it will take back that task and start worrying over your planned appointments. likewise other tools can replace other functions. I have mentioned the lists I've been keeping. They are tools that take over the task of prioritizing and reminding of the small tasks that need to be done. They also enable you to think only once about each task instead of having to go over the bigger plan every single time you have some time to work on it. there are many different tools out there to help us. There is not one universal tool that will solve everything and do the work for us. Instead we all have to work out a system that helps us the most.
There are however some good general pointers in this direction. Any tool we use has to be fun and quick. Any tool we don't like we don't use. The same if we think the tool is good but is complicated to use. So don't fall for the "more functions is better" approach to getting organized. In the end it comes down to if you use it or not. If you find that you don't use a tool because its too complicated, boring, unreliable, etc. then find a tool better suited to your personal style.
I myself for example use filing cards to capture all the thoughts I have. On them I write my lists, ideas and general good information I need. I then process what's on the cards to turn it into actions, things I can do. If I cant do anything about it there is really no use occupying my brain with it. I use a combination of google calendar and a wall calendar on a whiteboard to get an overview of the "hard landscape" in my future.
I won't talk more about tools now but will point you to a book that has helped me a lot in this struggle of mine. Its called "Getting things Done" and is written by David Allen (Isbn 0-14-200028-0) and cost me about 120 SEK at www.adlibris.se. I highly recommend it. The things he speaks of are basically common sense but as we all know common sense is not really all that common.
I would also like to mention something about removing obstacles. We have a way of placing obstacles in our paths to bettering ourselves. It usually consists of behaviour, hobbies and pastimes that we know are bad for us and actually promote the kind of bad lifestyle we are trying to get away from but that we feel attached to and don't willingly leave behind. They are usually things we do to escape the reality around us. A lot of the entertainment we consume function this way. For a moment we "escape" our bad situation. But we resurface afterwards, having by this time added guilt to our feelings of failure, prompting us to once again escape and so it goes on.
If we are to truly change we have to break with these habits. I have finally been able to break with one particularly time consuming and utterly pointless habit only recently. And I can already feel the liberation of all the time I suddenly have on my hands (time to use wisely and get stuff done) and the decrease of guilty feelings that came with it. So if you are clinging on to a time-consuming "escapistic" habit or hobby then man up and break with it. It might seem harch and yes it forces you to confront reality, but the rewards are great and come faster then you think.
Finally they are excellent crisis managing systems. Able to think in several directions at once and combining instincts and experience and then add some "made up stuff" to find a solution to any given problem.
So how is it that while we all walk around with these miracle machines in our heads (we all got one at birth, free of charge!) we end up making all the huge mistakes we do? How do we end up overwhelmed by the amount of work we have to do or the information we take in? Why do we forget things that are important and remember things that are trivial? The answer is that while our brains are brilliant they are also really dumb. Our brains absolutely suck at advance planning, prioritizing and reminding. To our brains every decision has the same amount of importance, whether it is to read the news paper or to take out a bank loan, to buy a bike or invade a country. Our brains don't see the difference in priority. It also has the worst sense of timing.
If our brains could think properly they would remind us of the letter we need to mail before we walk out the door. They would realise that its not a big deal that you forgot to get a package of milk at the store because at least you got all the food needed for tonight's dinner party. If it could really think it would have reminded you of the milk while you were in the store. Thus saving you the trouble of forgetting it in the first place.
Some part of our brain is stuck in the present. So if you tell your brain that you need to do something it'll think that you have to do it NOW. It assumes that you need to do that thing ALWAYS. And if you tell your brain to remember two things you need to do it'll get really frustrated, because it wants you to do both NOW but it knows that thats impossible, so it thinks you are failing.
The third truth to know about our brains is that they never forget. They might not remind you when you most need it. But they will remember. They remember every broken agreement, even if you don't. They remember the thing you promised that you would do today and will hold you accountable for not doing it. Even if they never remind you.
So how do we get past this then? We need external tools to help our brains with its weaknesses. The brain is happy to give away the tasks its not good at ONLY if it trusts the replacing tool. So a well kept calender can relieve the brain of the burden of having to remind you of planned events. But if your brain suspects you are not keeping the calender up to date it will take back that task and start worrying over your planned appointments. likewise other tools can replace other functions. I have mentioned the lists I've been keeping. They are tools that take over the task of prioritizing and reminding of the small tasks that need to be done. They also enable you to think only once about each task instead of having to go over the bigger plan every single time you have some time to work on it. there are many different tools out there to help us. There is not one universal tool that will solve everything and do the work for us. Instead we all have to work out a system that helps us the most.
There are however some good general pointers in this direction. Any tool we use has to be fun and quick. Any tool we don't like we don't use. The same if we think the tool is good but is complicated to use. So don't fall for the "more functions is better" approach to getting organized. In the end it comes down to if you use it or not. If you find that you don't use a tool because its too complicated, boring, unreliable, etc. then find a tool better suited to your personal style.
I myself for example use filing cards to capture all the thoughts I have. On them I write my lists, ideas and general good information I need. I then process what's on the cards to turn it into actions, things I can do. If I cant do anything about it there is really no use occupying my brain with it. I use a combination of google calendar and a wall calendar on a whiteboard to get an overview of the "hard landscape" in my future.
I won't talk more about tools now but will point you to a book that has helped me a lot in this struggle of mine. Its called "Getting things Done" and is written by David Allen (Isbn 0-14-200028-0) and cost me about 120 SEK at www.adlibris.se. I highly recommend it. The things he speaks of are basically common sense but as we all know common sense is not really all that common.
I would also like to mention something about removing obstacles. We have a way of placing obstacles in our paths to bettering ourselves. It usually consists of behaviour, hobbies and pastimes that we know are bad for us and actually promote the kind of bad lifestyle we are trying to get away from but that we feel attached to and don't willingly leave behind. They are usually things we do to escape the reality around us. A lot of the entertainment we consume function this way. For a moment we "escape" our bad situation. But we resurface afterwards, having by this time added guilt to our feelings of failure, prompting us to once again escape and so it goes on.
If we are to truly change we have to break with these habits. I have finally been able to break with one particularly time consuming and utterly pointless habit only recently. And I can already feel the liberation of all the time I suddenly have on my hands (time to use wisely and get stuff done) and the decrease of guilty feelings that came with it. So if you are clinging on to a time-consuming "escapistic" habit or hobby then man up and break with it. It might seem harch and yes it forces you to confront reality, but the rewards are great and come faster then you think.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Internal and external focus
These last few months have been a time of realizations for me. It seems that as soon as I think I've figured everything out, I run headlong into another painful realization about myself. These last few days have been no exception to that rule.
One of the things I realized is that the one thing that has caused the greatest amount of unhappiness and disappointment in my life is my focus on my surroundings. I have come to realise that a true egoist thinks only of his own needs and focuses all his attention on other people, while a true philanthropist thinks of the needs of his fellow man but has the focus on himself. (For those of you who came to the FHE this week this might ring a few bells) Focus in this case being the direction of his energy and efforts.
You have all probably seen the newest coca-cola campaign (Life as it should be.) It catches with perfect simplicity the spirit of what I'm talking about.
The protagonist in the commercials gives a number of statements on how things should be. None of these things of course involving the protagonist himself or any effort on his part. He, serving as the archetype of true egoism, thinks only of himself and focuses on how his surroundings should be. It is tempting for us to assume the same stance in life. Focusing on how things should be and expecting the world to adapt. Since we have absolutely no control over the outside world and the world doesn't adapt to our liking, we end up frustrated because we are failing. It's easy (and very common) to blame the surrounding at this point. To claim that "they don't understand" or "it is unfair that they are given everything and I am given nothing" etc. etc. The list can be made long.
The only way to escape this feeling of abandonment and frustration
is to own up to our responsibility and realise that the only thing we can control is ourself. There is a quote I heard once but cant remember who said it. It goes like this:
It neatly sums up our position in this world. We have no claim on this world. There is no natural debt to us that will somehow be paid of by the world conforming to our opinions and wishes. Trying to demand any such rights will only lead to suffering and frustration on our part.
If we instead realize that it is in fact we who are in debt, that it is we who have been given everything and have only to manage our resources to affect our situations, this suffering and frustration can be avoided. In fact this is the only thing we can fully control: The choices we make with the resources we have been given. If we focus on ourselves and the resources we have been given we can use these resources to, when possible, fill the needs of others. Our resources are finite, and the effect they will have on the surrounding is limited. But realising this limitation will empower us to make active choices that will have a good effect on our surroundings and ourselves, and will help us increase the resources we dispose of and the effect we have on our surrounding. When speaking of resources we have to realise that these aren't just material resources. They are also our energy, our mental focus, our empathy, our kindness etc. the list goes on.
So think of your fellow man but focus on yourself as the active part.
I had intentions of writhing about a few other things today, but this turned out to be a lot of text so I will save all that for tomorrow. Have a great time and remember that you are in charge (I seem to be in slogan mode today:P)
One of the things I realized is that the one thing that has caused the greatest amount of unhappiness and disappointment in my life is my focus on my surroundings. I have come to realise that a true egoist thinks only of his own needs and focuses all his attention on other people, while a true philanthropist thinks of the needs of his fellow man but has the focus on himself. (For those of you who came to the FHE this week this might ring a few bells) Focus in this case being the direction of his energy and efforts.
You have all probably seen the newest coca-cola campaign (Life as it should be.) It catches with perfect simplicity the spirit of what I'm talking about.
The protagonist in the commercials gives a number of statements on how things should be. None of these things of course involving the protagonist himself or any effort on his part. He, serving as the archetype of true egoism, thinks only of himself and focuses on how his surroundings should be. It is tempting for us to assume the same stance in life. Focusing on how things should be and expecting the world to adapt. Since we have absolutely no control over the outside world and the world doesn't adapt to our liking, we end up frustrated because we are failing. It's easy (and very common) to blame the surrounding at this point. To claim that "they don't understand" or "it is unfair that they are given everything and I am given nothing" etc. etc. The list can be made long.
The only way to escape this feeling of abandonment and frustration
is to own up to our responsibility and realise that the only thing we can control is ourself. There is a quote I heard once but cant remember who said it. It goes like this:
"Don't go around thinking the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -Unknown.
It neatly sums up our position in this world. We have no claim on this world. There is no natural debt to us that will somehow be paid of by the world conforming to our opinions and wishes. Trying to demand any such rights will only lead to suffering and frustration on our part.
If we instead realize that it is in fact we who are in debt, that it is we who have been given everything and have only to manage our resources to affect our situations, this suffering and frustration can be avoided. In fact this is the only thing we can fully control: The choices we make with the resources we have been given. If we focus on ourselves and the resources we have been given we can use these resources to, when possible, fill the needs of others. Our resources are finite, and the effect they will have on the surrounding is limited. But realising this limitation will empower us to make active choices that will have a good effect on our surroundings and ourselves, and will help us increase the resources we dispose of and the effect we have on our surrounding. When speaking of resources we have to realise that these aren't just material resources. They are also our energy, our mental focus, our empathy, our kindness etc. the list goes on.
So think of your fellow man but focus on yourself as the active part.
I had intentions of writhing about a few other things today, but this turned out to be a lot of text so I will save all that for tomorrow. Have a great time and remember that you are in charge (I seem to be in slogan mode today:P)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Falling and rising
I regret to have to give you a somewhat sombre report from the war. You remember how I mentioned earlier that my lack of sleep was not going to work out in the end? Well I think it is starting to have some serious effect on me. I find that I'm constantly tired, my willpower drains really fast and I've gone back to getting almost nothing done. I can also feel a slight semi-depression coming on. I guess I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get to work on my life again. the question is when... Anyway, in order to give myself some extra sleep I'm going to stop writing this and get to bed. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. I leave you all with this quote:
Virtue is a state of war, and to live in it we have always to combat with ourselves.
- Jean-Jacques Rosseau
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I'm Back!
Its been allmost two weeks since I last wrote. I've had a lot to do and have done some computer reinstalling/maintenance and in the middle of all that forgot about keeping my blog updated. Sorry for that.
Lately there has been a lot of ups and downs. It's interesting to note how big an effect emotional states have on my productivity and general well being as a person. I find that when I'm emotionally unbalanced I tend to make bad decisions. Even about seemingly unrelated things. For example I tend to need to be around people more which can make me choose to do things that are fun with people instead of doing things I know I have to get done. This leads to a semi-fun evening during which I feel guilt about what I'm not getting done and stress over the fact that I'm going to have to squeeze it in later. This of course does nothing about the emotional imbalance that prompted the behaviour in the first place but rather worsens it as feelings of guilt and worthlessness slowly settle themselves into my mind and heart. I also tend to have poor economical judgement and waste money that I know I'll need later. As if I could somehow buy myself some emotional balance and happiness. I always find ways to justify and make calculations that I know aren't really based on the facts. This leads to more stress and guilt and adds to any feelings of low self esteem or social insecurity.
So how do I combat this behaviour? If anyone has a definitive answer to that then please give it to me! The only answer I can think of is self discipline. To force myself to go against my instincts in these cases and get things done instead.
And that's the hard part. I cant exactly say that things have been going great lately. I've had a lot of fun, but things have been mounting up again. If I ever expected this to be a short battle I've been proven wrong. It's going to take a long time before I've got good life handling skills set in my personality. But the war goes on. This coming week I have it as a personal rule that I wont be going on any spontaneous outings unless I've got my stuff done. I will however be going on a few pre-planned things still :) I cant cut away my social life all together.
Well that's enough for today. I hope you all have a great Sunday!
Its been allmost two weeks since I last wrote. I've had a lot to do and have done some computer reinstalling/maintenance and in the middle of all that forgot about keeping my blog updated. Sorry for that.
Lately there has been a lot of ups and downs. It's interesting to note how big an effect emotional states have on my productivity and general well being as a person. I find that when I'm emotionally unbalanced I tend to make bad decisions. Even about seemingly unrelated things. For example I tend to need to be around people more which can make me choose to do things that are fun with people instead of doing things I know I have to get done. This leads to a semi-fun evening during which I feel guilt about what I'm not getting done and stress over the fact that I'm going to have to squeeze it in later. This of course does nothing about the emotional imbalance that prompted the behaviour in the first place but rather worsens it as feelings of guilt and worthlessness slowly settle themselves into my mind and heart. I also tend to have poor economical judgement and waste money that I know I'll need later. As if I could somehow buy myself some emotional balance and happiness. I always find ways to justify and make calculations that I know aren't really based on the facts. This leads to more stress and guilt and adds to any feelings of low self esteem or social insecurity.
So how do I combat this behaviour? If anyone has a definitive answer to that then please give it to me! The only answer I can think of is self discipline. To force myself to go against my instincts in these cases and get things done instead.
And that's the hard part. I cant exactly say that things have been going great lately. I've had a lot of fun, but things have been mounting up again. If I ever expected this to be a short battle I've been proven wrong. It's going to take a long time before I've got good life handling skills set in my personality. But the war goes on. This coming week I have it as a personal rule that I wont be going on any spontaneous outings unless I've got my stuff done. I will however be going on a few pre-planned things still :) I cant cut away my social life all together.
Well that's enough for today. I hope you all have a great Sunday!
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